(with apologies to ABBA)
Half past twelve and I'm playin' a deathmatch in my flat all alone,
How I hate to spend the evening fraggin' bots.
Autumn winds blowin' outside my window as I look around the room,
And it makes me so depressed to see the gloom.
There's not a soul out there,
No-one to hear my prayer.

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! a LAN after midnight,
Won't somebody help me take the red flag away.
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! a LAN after midnight,
Take me through the portals to the break of the day.

RPGs have a cause to follow with a fortune to win,
It's so different from the world I'm livin' in.
Tired of UT I load a chat window and I gaze into the chan,
But there's nothing there to see, no one online.
There's not a soul out there,
No-one to hear my prayer.

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! a LAN after midnight,
Won't somebody help me take the red flag away.
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! a LAN after midnight,
Take me through the portals to the break of the day.

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! a LAN after midnight,
Won't somebody help me take the red flag away.
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! a LAN after midnight,
Take me through the portals to the break of the day.

[instrumental fade out]