(to be sung to any tune that fits the words of 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow', with apologies to Arlen and Harburg, or to Cassidy, as appropriate)

Somewhere over the router
On th'east coast,
There's a LAN that I heard of
Once in a usenet post. 

Somewhere over the router
Pings are low,
And the games that you dare to play
Really don't go slow.

Someday I'll wish upon a tar
And wake up where the lag is far
Behind me.
Where no connection ever drops
Away above the gateway box
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the router
Rockets fire.
Shots fly over the router,
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little gamers play
Beyond the router
Why, oh why can't I?