(To be sung to the tune of the traditional Christmas carol, 'Tomorrow Shall Be My Dancing Day'.  Thanks go to Ben Weaver for his contribution and to Cambridge University Assassins' Guild.)

[verse 1]
To-morrow shall be my lurking day,
I would my target did so chance
To see the sharp end of my pen,
To bring my target Death's slow dance;

[chorus]
Sing RBGs, fridges, contact poison, knives,
This have I done for my target.

[verse 2]
When I was but a fresher pure
New learning from each biro lance
I caught the ill which has no cure --
To bring my target Death's slow dance;

[chorus]
Sing RBGs, fridges, contact poison, knives,
This have I done for my target.

[verse 3]
In Sainsbury's laden, trapped he was,
So very stuck, this was my chance,
Betwixt an ox and a silly poor ass,
To bring my target Death's slow dance;

[chorus]
Sing RBGs, fridges, contact poison, knives,
This have I done for my target.

[verse 4]
Then afterwards inco I was;
A rubber band from me did glance,
The umpire's voice heard from above,
To bring my target Death's slow dance;

[chorus]
Sing RBGs, fridges, contact poison, knives,
This have I done for my target.

[verse 5]
Into an ambush I was led,
Where I took an aggressive stance,
The rubber bands flew around my head,
To have me break my target's dance.

[chorus]
Sing RBGs, fridges, contact poison, knives,
This have I done for my target.

[verse 6]
The mafia gave hot pursuit,
And with me made great variance,
Because they loved darkness rather than light,
To bring my target Death's slow dance;

[chorus]
Sing RBGs, fridges, contact poison, knives,
This have I done for my target.

[verse 7]
I chanced upon an inco bold,
Who sought to see his score advance:
A pen marked knife the boy did hold;
'Twas this that made me end his dance.

[chorus]
Sing RBGs, fridges, contact poison, knives,
This have I done for my target.

[verse 8]
On Parker's Piece the mafia caught
And offered no deliverance;
They left, and made a terse report:
Another player leaves the dance.

[chorus]
Sing RBGs, fridges, contact poison, knives,
This have I done for my target.

[verse 9]
But soon I knew I respawn would,
Police would form my second chance,
No more I sought my target's blood;
Now spare my target Death's slow dance;

[chorus]
Sing RBGs, fridges, contact poison, knives,
This have I done for my target.

[verse 10]
For day and night I stayed away,
Awaiting my deliverance,
And rose again on the third day,
Up to my target and the dance;

[chorus]
Sing RBGs, fridges, contact poison, knives,
This have I done for my target.

[verse 11]
Then finally the game did end,
So now I rest, my skills enhance;
A term from now, I will again,
Join all on that eternal dance.

[chorus]
Sing RBGs, fridges, contact poison, knives,
This have I done for my target.